Break-Up Song

the more i think
the more i realize
i am the blank space
between the lines in my wallpaper:
the emptiness that fills
the patterns,
the sadness that is camouflaged
between bars. 

the more i think about him
the more i realize
i do this to myself.
this is self-inflicted pain
that strips the dawn
of its color.
it’s the kind of hurt that
pains your routine-
streets you turn down
remind you
of streets in his neighborhood.
the flickering of streetlights
& the smell of the thick july air
make you think of
how he held you on nights
you couldn’t sleep.
when you’re surrounded by happy,
happy travels like rapid fire
through your capillaries
& turns to black.
you think of death & mourning
in a circle of laughter
because you can hear his voice-
it echoes through your bones,
describing
the impossible tones in your eyes 
he was so mesmerized by.
you wake up to take a piss
in the middle of the night
your eyes stay set on this one tile in the floor,
& that one tile turns to his shower.
his hands would run down your wet body
as the steamy air pelted your skin
(three years prior). 

it’s terrifying
how the things we love
twist 
to the things that ruin us-
without explanation,
without sound,
stabbing
& twisting
into the only things we’ve ever felt.

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About laurenfedorko

Aspiring writer. English teacher. Philosophy: know more about the world than you did yesterday and lessen the suffering of others.
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